Monday, July 18, 2005

Everyone's Looking for Love

One of the great things about starting Monaga is that I have met some very interesting people. I have met people from all walks of life from many different parts of the world. I've had the pleasure of meeting people who work for/at the U.S. State Dept., the World Bank, IMF, DEA, University professors, District Attornies, Deputy Mayors, Bank Presidents and the like. I have also met many great people who are postal workers, freelance writers, activists, clergy, retail salespeople and bus drivers. We have also had guests from Bali, Germany, Japan, Martinique, France, Spain, Holland and other countries in South America.

One thing that I find that they all have in common, is they are all looking for love. Okay, maybe not "LOVE," but they are looking for something or someone. How else do you explain all the time everyone spends on Adam4Adam and other sites? Of course I don't mean you personally.

When people travel to the Dominican Republic for the first time, most are quite overwhelmed. Many have not had the kind of attention that you get here. Those who have very stressful/successful careers and don't seem to find what they are looking for in the States come here and lose their minds.

I have heard every story, TWICE. There are those who come here and tell me they would NEVER pay for sex, have never, etc., etc. Others come here looking just for buggarones (men who have sex with men for money). Don't get me wrong, it is possible to meet someone here and not pay for sex, BUT, it is very prevalent here. Even when you meet Dominican men who are educated it is still assumed that you will buy the meals, drinks, etc. because you have more money. Just as it is in Brazil, Costa Rica, Thailand and other Third World societies.

In the Dominican Republic, as in other poor countries, prostitution is rampant. Here in the DR it is known that it goes on, but polite society does not like for people to openly discuss this. This is something that has gone on way before I ever heard about the DR, and without changes to people's standard of living, will go on after I'm gone. There are those who believe the sole purpose for Monaga is to promote prostitution. We don't promote prostitution but we fully-acknowledge that it goes on.

Buggarones in the Dominican Republic are notorius. They can sell sand to other Dominicans (and Americans) , that is how good they are. So, imagine what they do to unsuspecting tourists. The tourists that I'm referring to are not uneducated people, quite the contrary, they are usually highly-educated. But they seem to lose all common sense when they meet a beautiful young man who has them believing that they are only in "LOVE" with them.

Inevitably everyone that falls in with a buggarone and gets back to the States will get a phone call. And the song ALWAYS (!) goes like this, someone will need an operation, or there family has no food, or there cell phone was stolen, or my favorite, "mi madre es enferma." One thing you can be certain of is there will a NEED for money, and fast. There are some who are so good and can add tears along with their stories. Or, they can adapt the appeals to whatever they think will make it successful. If you are the principal of a school in Maryland, well they will need money because they want to go to school. If all else fails they will bring over their beautiful baby, or maybe a disabled relative. Or at least they will tell you it's their baby or relative. I have NEVER heard of anyone who has met a buggarone and lived happily ever after. NEVER! Now, if you understand how the game is played and accept that he will be with other people when you are not on the island, that is a different story.

Now, I do know of people that have come here and found happiness. Usually these people try and learn the language and try to integrate into Dominican life. Again, I see the tourists come and go and many people want me to tell them how their new "boyfriend" is doing. I don't get involved.

This brings me back to the main reason for this entry. I got a call from someone who wants me to spy on "his" buggarone/boyfriend and let him know if he is going out with other tourists.



Anonymous said...

Monaga this is so true! I too got a few phone calls saying the same things when I first visit the island but I was not fooled I was schooled before I visit the Island.
I met about 4 phine young men and they all came with me with that same ole lame story. but before they could finish the story I finished it for them they was shocked and said nothing more about the money problems. last year me and a few friends visit the Island and one fell in love, I to told him about the games the boys will play and will try to get you to send money back to them via western union. I even had a dominican tell them the same story and to look out because its a known fact. But still he sent money down every 2 weeks and every other week the boy came up with a better story for more money. Well my friend visit the island and did not tell his newly love. never the less he found him coming in the same hotel with a date. it was a mess and my friend was hurt. Here is the real twist... He hate me for interducing him to the island because I was telling him the truth.

Keep on giving information like this one day someone will wake up and smell the coffee!


New Wave Black Man said...

The truth will set you free. Anthony told me everything before I got there. After my first trip I understood clearly.

Anonymous said...

Hi Monaga,

I loved your story and related completely. Here is my story. I have gone to the Dr a whole lot. I travel fairly regularly and indulge in the boys. In the States I do not get the attention that I get in the DR. I have not been a person who pays for sex but, in the Dr I do- so I guess I am that person. In any event, I have fallen in love with two of the boys. Both times, I was hurt. Really hurt. I now have learned my lesson and just see it as fun and do not take it too seriously. However, I would like to know about non-buggaron guys. Monaga, is it possible to just meet a cute Dr guy for a more substantive relationship or is it all the benjamins. Im fairly well to do - so the DR has become a candy store for me. I wonder though how I will like it in a few years. I own a condo in Malecon Centro and a place in Miami. I go back and forth a lot. Advice Monaga- How do you do it? Are you happy there? Do you ever think about meeting just one special guy? Thanks for the post and comment.

blkmail316 said...

Well My First Visit to Santo Domingo/El Conde Zone was last November and to say that I was shocked at all the attention this big dude received really took me back to the day. The words you speak were true. Now with that said, being from the United States I found the money situation and life style most different. Paying for Sex for me was more like helping someone in need. I needed there services and they need the small amount of money to continue their life with food etc. I do plan to go back in Sept.2005 and yes I have been in contact with a few of the guys and one I must confess,I did send $50.00 because they asked without a story. I don't know if they was a good thing or not but when you compare your world to there world how can you not lend a hand to help?

Anonymous said...

A previous poster asked if it is possible to meet a nice, non-bugarron guy in the DR... Well, I guess it is a possibility, but you are not going to find one in the bars/discos of the Zona Colonial.

In addition, some clear distinctions must be made... Are you attracted to gay men? You could meet a gay man that is interested in you as a person and not as a walking ATM. However, it has been my experience of maaany years that most gay men that go to the DR do NOT look for gay men like themselves. They go to pick up the pseudo-straight, bugarron-type guys you find in Phoenix, Jay Dee's, etc...

In my own experience, I have a six year relationship with a now 26 year old man (you do the math).
He was introduced to me by an acquaintance and he never frequented the bars/discos looking for tourists $$. During these six years, he has always held down some type of employment, goes to the gym regularly (great bod) and has studied on and off. Right now, he is employed full-time in customer service by one of the major banks in DR. In addition, he is taking courses towards a degree in marketing.

Have I sent him money during this time? Hell, yes! And lots of it.
I have done it because in all the years of traveling to the DR, he has been the only young man that I have met that actually wants to do something more with his life than just hang out in tourist traps and spend the $$ he makes on new sneakers or other shit. And he knows this damn well...I do not support vagrants. I have and will help him out, but he has to pull his weight as well.

My friend has plans of getting married with his long-time girlfriend before the end of the year. He says that this will in no way change our relationship. If she knew about the things we do in bed, she would have a major heart attack! In fact, at one time, he even introduced us over the phone.
She knows that when I am in town, he "shows me around" so I won't get into trouble...yeah, right. In all the years of knowing him, I have never asked him if he is gay, bisexual or what. I believe that it would serve no real purpose and many Dominicans are like that. Sex is sex and if it feels good they will do it. If they get some extra benefit $$ from it, then all the better!

So,I guess that the answer to your question would be a YES? NO? MAYBE? We each have to test the waters and decide for ourselves if we want to dive in or not...

Good luck!