Monday, February 13, 2006

Naive or Stupid?

Suppose you are someone past the age of going out clubbing regularly. You have heard about the Dominican Republic, and wanted to visit. But, you are not the type of person to "pay" for sex in the conventional way. You used to have a lover (whose schooling you paid for), go to the gym regularly and generally are well put together.

You book your trip and visit Santo Domingo. You go out to the bars and clubs and are overwhelmed. Too many people are begging and pestering you and quite frankly you find the whole thing unseemly. Just as you are writing an email to tell friends that though the men in Santo Domingo are beautiful, you are put off by the whole "pay" thing.

Through some acquaintances you are introduced to a young man that you find attractive. He is not only very handsome, but has a very nice personality. Over the next several days you get to know each other better. He tells you very personal things about himself, and listen as you reveal some intimate details about your life.

You go back home and you and he conduct a very expensive long-distance telephone relationship. You are convinced that this young man is genuine. You believe that he couldn't lie, even if he tried. He tells you about his family situation and you can hear him crying softly through the phone. Slowly, you begin to think that this young man really cares for you.

Now, back in the real world you are by nature a pessimist. Your bullshit detector is always set on high, and you pride yourself with being able to spot someone quickly who is trying to take advantage of you. You are the master of telling everyone what they should be doing in their own lives, quick to give advice if you think a friend is being naive and acting irrationally.

Then you begin to send money to your new "friend." And, you won't tell people that actual amount, because you know how ridiculous it is. You tell everyone that you are just want to help him get his life together, but he doesn't work, nor go to school, and he thinks you have so much money he thinks it is a waste of time anyway. I mean, one day he will be living in the States, right?

While you are thinking this young man is just great and maybe someone you can spend the rest of your life with, things begin to happen that you choose to ignore. You find out his nickname for you is "Banco Popular." He is now fixated on "things" he needs. In the beginning you are happy to send him money. I mean, you can afford it. So what if he is only in his late teens, you are now about to hit 50. He cares for you and you know it. He has told you things that he has never told anyone. You can see he cares for you in his eyes, the way he caresses you, the way he softly cries when he is asking for money over the phone.

The friends you tell about your new love are supportive. They know you are lonely and feel that if makes you happy, well... They just want to know why do you have to send him so much money. Then as the trips progress, you start noticing changes in his behavior. He has become much more materialistic. Before when you brought gifts he was glad to get them. Now, he looks at the bottom of the Jordan's and tell you that these are from last year and he can't wear them. You were at Target at bought some cologne, but you made the mistake of getting him some Perry Ellis. When he comes over with his friends so that he can impress them with all the gifts "Banco Popular" has given him, they laugh when you walk out the room. None of them had ever heard of Perry Ellis. I mean, nobody raps about him in hip-hop.

Something happens, though very slowly. You know deep in your soul that something isn't right, but you don't want to admit it to yourself. You start to think about all that you had planned for him. How you were going to make his life better. But, you also notice how he is now starting to resent you, because you have placed conditions on the money you send. Though he doesn't like them, he agrees to whatever you want because he wants to get all the money "Banco Popular" can send and bring to him.

You have all this money and success, but you finally come to the realization that it CAN'T buy you love and happiness. You have been using your money as a sword over his head to do whatever you wanted him to do. You thought somehow your money would make him "want" to be with you.

Then it happens, you find out you have been taken advantage of. Now, you are angry. Why didn't anyone say anything to you. Well, they did, remember? The problem was you didn't want to hear it.

The lesson has been learned (right???). It makes no difference how much money you have, you can't make anyone love you. But, you damn sure can buy some great sex!

Slow curtain, the end...


Simbul said...

LOL...I had such a friend and he is still sending dollars to this kid. I am going back on Wednesday and he begged me to take some jeans he bought the boy. I told him no. Why?? He actually told me if I saw this kid just give him the jeans and don't try to have him. If this love of his life is truly his, he wouldn't have to threaten me. Talk about a brotha turned out.

Anonymous said...

Paid for sex is not bad...

Anonymous said...

Wow, I can't wait to come back and visit. After meeting so many of the guys in the DR, the light bulb finally comes on. It's all about the money. Once the light comes on, you begin to see the DR men with new insight. You begin not to become so trustworthy and accepting. Once you progress from that level, you will be able to spot the game a mile away and then nip it in the bud. I love having fun in the DR but you have to set limits. I love the food and the men there. I would live there if I could make the money there that I am making in the US.

Peace out,


Anonymous said...

PS Anthony,

I am applying to nurse anesthesia school in 2007. Wish me luck,


Anonymous said...

there is a mosque near my house one night as i walk out i pass this young man he smiles and yes hello he then asked me the time he was so fine brown beautiful lips and dark black hair my mind raced and i thought never in amillion years i few paces later he stops me excuse me sir would you like me i was stunned and said yes we went into my house and made out i still see this young man i never call him he calls me i have never given him anything and he has never asked we just spend that time and its over i am 50 he is 22why it happen i don't care am i in love nonly in the way that you can love a bird that you know awas born to fly if i had been looking for it it would of never happened

Anonymous said...

Bonnie Rait said it "YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU IF THEY DON'T YOU CAN"T MAKE YOUR HEART FEEL SOMETHING IT WON'T but they sure can put on a good act every Buggie deserves an Oscar. And the oscar for making me feel so damn and I love you goes to.....I to have been fooled by the oscar bandit and I said this can't be he brings me flowers and gifts. I had for gotten I had all ready paid for them any damm way Just enjoy the sex it is what it is it's good!!!

Anonymous said...

No veo mal que tengamos que pagar por algo que nos gusta (buen sexo)
" pagamos por un servicio "
Pena de los que hacen un trabajo que no les gusta y deben actuar de la mejor manera para recibir buena propina.
No veo mal que si tenemos las posibilidades los ayudemos, lo malo esta en obsecionarnos y dejarnos coger de pendejos, pensando que va a ser una relación duradera.
Muy pocos valen la pena.
pero he llegado a conocer unos cuantos (sin necesidad de tener sexo)
y la verdad que dá mucha pena saber que son jovenes que no han tenido otra opción de vida.
A veces no tienen una familia que los oriente, sin educación ni costumbres.
A fin de cuentas la prostitución es una de las profesiones mas antiguas y no existiría si no hubiera quien buscara esos servicios.


Anonymous said...

I think what bothers me is that these recent entries reveal a gay brother who is hurting. Where is the compassion? Maybe mistakes were made but where is the support and why all of the bashing? I look at the young men as I would any service employee. Someone who washes my car, cuts my lawn, my barber, my dentist or my furnace repairman. I request a service and I pay for it. If it is not up to standards, I go elsewhere. I do not expect to fall in love and buy expensive gifts for the above mentioned service employees. Sometimes for service above and beyond, I do tip.

the Allen gallery said...

Love, love, love the story! So sad! So true to life! And like most things in life, you couldn't make this sh@t up!

Anonymous said...

It is not our place to judge others less we judge ourselves.

Life is meant to be lived, mistakes, bad decisions and all. It has all been said and done before and will be said and done again.

There is nothing that any of us have experienced that has not already occured in the history of man and there is no shame in life experience.

Monaga said...

Great comments. Keep 'em coming.

jh/fl said...

I'm not quite sure that I'm getting the jest of your recent stories. I fall in the category of over 50 and until I started visiting DR I just assumed that certain parts of my life were over. Here in the states in my late teens and well into my thirties and forties I was hearing the same stories from American men and I responded then in the same way that I do now. I'm setting here in a beautiful 2 bed 2 bath apartment on Valentine' day with a computer and a cat wishing that I was in DR receiving flowers and candy even if bought with my money. when I here the stories coming from the DR I know that most of them are bull. In reality when I'm there I get to recapture some of the glory days of my youth and I really enjoy it, all of it, the stories, the tears, the drama. I suppose what I'm trying to say is let us pass 50 girls enjoy our golden years and fantasies. Most of us have worked for years and now the pension and social security checks are starting to come in and the grave yard is just around the corner. Please let us go out thinking that maybe we've made a difference in some one's life by having known us.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that was deep and nice. No doubt if we are blessed we will live long enough to reach our fifties. Many in this lifestyle did'nt make it beyond the teens and twenties.

So, well said my friend, well said.

Anonymous said...

I was not planning on commenting on this thread, but jh/fl's post made me both think and laugh (The part about the graveyard cracked me up because my friends and I were talking about the same thing the other day since we are all over 50 and counting...). Anyway, I think that what Anthony is trying to say is that if you do go into a relationship (anywhere) do so with your eyes wide open and try not to let yourself be totally carried away by your emotions. It's not easy and I have been fooled several times, but now I know how to play the game too. At present, I am in a great relation-
ship going on 7 years with a Dominican guy, but who knows what tomorrow may bring. So, seize the day, my friend. Enjoy it while you may!
From Puerto Rico,

Monaga said...


this post is based on the many stories that I have heard and seen. It has NOTHING to do with age. The jist of this story is going into any situation with your eyes wide open. Period.

So, if you come here and good time, keep coming. I just wanted to make sure that you know what is going on.

Nena said...

"Things to make you go..hmmmmm"!

Anonymous said...

i go to the Dr because I cant get sex in the states. Im not an attractive gay guy. Im fairly unatractive. In the Dr I feel sexy and able to escape the pain of not being the gay US ideal. I fantasize let the boys treat me well- and know it my cash that keeps them sweet. No cash no DR love. I think the sad thing is that so,etimes I want them to really care but then I know its all part of the daily life of a buggaron. I am a total bottom. So I also sometimes feel like they are passing me around to the "group". I sense they talk to one another and know that I like to be a receiver in bed. They all knowI work hard to please and then pay. Its a mix of exciting ans sad. Its neither right nor wrong. Sometimes I feel like its so cool and ok and other times I feel like a hole that has been pounded without any consideration of who I am. Its all about the cash and hitting it from the back. Enough for now... Im curious what others will say.

Anonymous said...

although monaga may disagree; from what i have read on this post, many of the men who are responding are what i would consider middle aged and feeling the same. middle aged white men have been going to third world countries for young trim/ass for decades. it seems the D.R. has become the African American playground for such.

let's be realistic for a moment. many of the brothas on here go to live a fantasy that isnt happening in the states. in most of the major gay black places in the usa, a 23 year old is not gonna be running around with a 55 year old unless they are being taken care of (in MOST cases). so to think that a non native english speaking person from a third world country is going to give you love?! shyt you dont even speak the same language.

all i am saying is please let's call it what it is. its third world sex for hire. yes they are cuties, but it aint the love of two men on the same level building a future.

also, i am concerned when my bruthas in their 40's and 50's cant write an entry in clear english (traditional, ebonics or other). i.e. "i in love nonly"

Anonymous said...

Above comment: TOTALLY agree with you regarding clear english. Add in; punctuation and, grammar.

I read some of these posts and many of my reactions are based on how incomprehensible some of the responses are! Laughable on one hand, outright embarrassing on the other... It's easy to overlook a typo, but some of these folks need to go back to school.

Anonymous said...

sorry about my errors should take the time to proof read it should read am i in love no only the point is i met a young man who is interested in me not my money or my typos.... speaking of grammar how about replacing aint with isn't p.s on valentines day i went to a freak party at the sheraton there were some hot boys there i had my fun and left with a $100 in my pocket how was your's or were you grading papers

Anonymous said...

(i almost don't want to do this as its almost too easy...but i have to say it)

I'm sorry if I offended you and your use of English (or lack thereof). My point is your post wasn't clear. Your corrected post wasn't either. There were no punctuations. It was the longest sentence on here.

I think what you wanted to say was:
"am i in love? no. the point is i met a young man who is interested in me; not my money or my typos.... speaking of grammar how about replacing "ain't" with "isn't"?

p.s on valentines day i went to a freak party at the sheraton. there were some hot boys there. i had my fun and left with a $100 in my pocket. how was your's or were you grading papers?"

In answer to your question (assuming it was directed at me) I spent V-day at the gym (I think its a day created by corporate America to take our money).

The other thing is I hope you didn't miss the main point of my entry (now three entries ago). As many have pointed out, you may not be paying now (do dinner and drinks count?) but you may be paying later.

The grammar was a secondary point.

Anonymous said...

hello there, i do pay to play, i only meant that sometimes, when we least expect it the best things can happen. A friend sent me for a massage on valentines day it was one of the best i ever had. Yes it is corporate but in another sense some people can use a little helpful push in the romance dept. take care and have a wonderful day God Bless. P.S has have you or anyone on here been to a gym in Santo Domingo

Anonymous said...

slow curtain ...the end All About Eve?

Anonymous said...

that one poster so right it a mix of sexy and sad no body want you in the us no more in dr they love you but no trelly just 4 da USD.

Anonymous said...

People, please stop the madness. We are beating a dead horse senseless! I think most of us know "what time it is" in the DR. If people want to believe they are making a difference, helping the boys and their families through having sex with them for pay, or living “the fantasy” so be it. It doesn’t matter. We all know the deal, please move on. These guys in the states aren’t hurting anyone because it’s themselves they have to look at in mirror after the leave “Fantasy Island”. I take the DR for what it is; I go, have fun and then come home and go on with my life. I have no regrets. There is nothing wrong with coming down to the DR, fucking around and having fun. Get over the pay for sex thing. We all know what time it is (whether want to believe it or not) and so do the guys getting off the plane. Have fun and live your life to the fullest. Life is short, so get your fuck on, I know I am.

Anonymous said...

Thank You, previous poster....THANK YOU!!!! It's about time someone started getting real about what the situation really is.

When you come to the DR, you are seen as a person from one of the wealthiest countries in the world coming to a Third World Country. And this is true for ANY Third World country. Of COURSE there'll be pay for sex! Of COURSE there will be a two- or three-tiered pricing system in the markets and stores. Of COURSE people will try to work you to the max. They are truly poor, but they have the same get-ahead drive that Americans have, and they have learned where the bucks are and how to earn them.

Like the previous poster said, you won't hurt anyone but, possibly, yourself if you don't get over your delusions that you can make a difference, even though you come down here thinking with your cock instead of your brain.

Most of the bugarones aren't even gay, for godssake. But they are at the bars for a reason. As I said before, they know where the money is. Honestly, can you blame them? Would you be any different in their shoes?

If you want to make a difference, try giving the guy money WITHOUT having sex. Ask him to take you on the local transportation, go into the country with you, interpret for you, show you his fun-places. And pay him decently - more than what you'd pay for a blow job; maybe you'll make a true friend because you've shown an interest in him, not his sex, and the two of you have had fun and learned a lot in the process.

We all visit the DR and other Third World countries for what they have to offer. For some of us, that's cheap (inexpensive) sex and that's all we need. As the previous poster said, there's nothing wrong with that (so long as it's consensual and between adults!)

But many of us come looking for more. And, believe it or not, we find it. We meet gay Dominicans who don't want money. But we don't meet them in the bars. And we won't get them by propositioning them.

If we tried a little more genuine humility in our approach, we might be surprised how people open up to us instead of hustling us.

Excuse this poorly crafted comment, but it is truly heartfelt.